I’m having trouble maintaining an erection during intercourse with my wife. Do you have any tips to help me perform better?
Mike F., New Jersey
I don’t get it. Just look at her boobs. Or maybe you’re gay or something, I dunno. She’s naked, right? Just have her tug at your boner. If it doesn’t work, you like dudes. Go have sex with a dude or something. I’ll bet your boner will stay.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, but he’s never given me an orgasm. Are we doing something wrong?
Carol H., California
You should let him finger you. My friend Ray fingered a girl behind the 7/11 and she came like three times. But Ray says he’s really good so I don’t know if it will work with your boyfriend. He should still try though.
My partner and I have been keeping our relationship a secret from my family. Is there any way to tell my dad that I’m a lesbian without setting him off?
Lacey L., New York
Lesbians are awesome. If your dad doesn’t like lesbians, he’s gay. You guys should make out in front of him and send me a video of it.
(via CollegeHumor)
MARINES: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
ARMY: One hot meal, 2 MRE’s.
NAVY: 3 hot meals.
AIR FORCE: Catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Child, Wolfgang Puck and Emeril Lagasse. All you can eat.
There’s an Air Force guy driving from McChord to Ft Lewis, and an Army guy driving from Ft Lewis to McChord. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,…..”Man, I am really lucky to be alive!”
Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, ….. “I can’t believe I survived this wreck!”
The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says,…… “Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of archrivals”
The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says, …… “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I’m gonna see what else survived this wreck”
So the Air Force guy pops open his trunk and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels.
He says to the Army guy, “I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship”
The Army guy replies, “You’re damn right!” and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, “Your turn!”
The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, “Nahh, I think I’ll wait for the cops to show up.”
